S.A. Garcia's Mutterings, Whimpers and Rants

S.A. Garcia's Mutterings, Whimpers and Rants. World Domination by 2020. Or 2025. Probably never.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Excerpt 1: An Elf for All Centuries

In celebration of An Elf for All Centuries being nominated at Love Romance Cafe for Best Fantasy/Paranormal AND Best LGBT Book of 2012, I'm posting excerpts. This is a book a reader should peek at before taking the plunge. It's not for the faint of heart or for those lacking a sense of humor.

Elven super model Prince Fabion's day is perfect until wizard Matradorian kidnaps him from his penthouse. Surprise, Fabion is a spiritual match for elf king Henda’s dead lover. Only he can save the dying Henda. The problem is Fabion lives in the thirty-ninth century. Henda lives in the nineteenth.
When he lands in the nineteenth century, Fabion controls himself from punching Matradorian, saves Henda and falls in instant lust with his romantic fantasy. After all, this is a romantic comedy.
When Fabion realizes his polluted, on the verge of ruin thirty-ninth century is gone, the super model pitches the temper tantrum of any century until he realizes sexy Henda accepts him as his true lover. Being the virile, handsome Henda's lover fills Fabion's emotional gap. Despite the lack of facials and hot water, the former super model adapts to living in the backwards century.
Soon Fabion learns the nineteenth century is more dangerous than his vanished thirty-ninth century. Who wants to kill him now? And why?

The limo halted next to a faded grass expanse. A century ago, the grass lawn may have looked green, but these days not enough sunlight helped its feeble struggle. Now the grass had given up trying for the green. Even the spiky weeds littering the plot drooped in despair. Across the ragged approach, a tattered tree line listlessly soared into the yellowish mist obscuring the sun's rays. A shabby sign topping the copper gate announced, "Welcome to Park Haven."
The driver glanced back at the three passengers. "Are you sure you want to stop here, Prince Fabion? This lonely spot always worries me. I hate leaving you here."
Fabion waved his right hand in agreement. "Yep, Matt, we need the exercise."
Hestran whined in annoyance before Fabion could even count to one. The quick reaction set a new fine whine record. "Ooooo come on, Fabion, sweeeetie. Damn, you want to walk through horrid, old Park Haven to reach the Sequoia? Are you insane? That's toooo faaaaar."
His sulky boyfriend's high-pitched complaint made Fabion want to jam his fingers in his ears. Naw, the act seemed too rude even for Fabion's selfish sensibilities. Instead he managed to smile at his bratty Hestran. "Come on, look at the weather! This afternoon the air quality is almost pretty. I can nearly see blue, well, all right, no, but I can imagine the color ruling the sky like in times past. Today I want to enjoy a walk through the park."
Fabion hadn't strolled through Park Haven in over a month. How sad. He needed to commune with the remaining nature on a more regular basis.
Lanaro leaned around the pouting Hestran and scowled in displeasure. "Fuck, you always need to act different, dude. Everyone knows that no well-bred elf walks into Park Haven from the east gate. This is the common, human gate."
Fabion saw Matt's professional face slip for a second. Why did Lanaro always act like such a prick? It was one thing to dislike humans, but insulting them to their face defined rudeness.
Lanaro deserved a tongue lashing and not a fun one. Hestran's tiresome pouting had forced Fabion to agree to provide Lanaro a free ride from New Yorkshire's snooty Shadyside district. Just his bad luck that Lanaro's agent occupied the same building as Fabion's. Fabion's agent owned two floors, Lanaro's agent owned a closet-size space. How dare the pedestrian elf think that he occupied Fabion's regal league? Duh, Fabion was a well-bred prince, so there.
As he sniffed in disdain, Fabion tossed his red mane in practiced dismissal. "Hey, I don't need to act different. I am different, because I am exceptionally special. I enter where I want, got it?" He pretended to ring a bell at the slackers. "Ding, ding, ding, this is the end of the line. Move your pretty asses from the limo. My man Matt is going home for the day."
Fabion leaned forward. He flashed a massive bonus into his driver's hand. Behind him, Lanaro's gasp added the perfect spice. Matt deserved the bonus for enduring those insults.
"Go have fun, dude."
"Thanks, Prince Fabion!" Matt saluted Fabion. "As usual I'll wait until you enter the park before I pull away."
"As usual I commend your wise idea. Catch ya later." Fabion exited into the ocher afternoon. Today even the air celebrated for him. At that moment, he doubted if anyone else in New Yorkshire acted giddier. His life embraced triumphant coolness, well, except for Lanaro's presence.
Fabion leaned down to see what was happening inside the limo. Hestran and Lanaro remained sprawled on the seats like sullen children overdosed on pixie dust. Fabion almost slammed the door and told Matt to drive on and drop the ornery duo somewhere nasty like Dog End Quay.
"Will you two move your pretty asses? Exit on this side. We need to hustle into the park."
Hestran's wide eyes conveyed panic. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, sweetie, we run for protection, because some ass-wipe might take a shot at us. Get out but remain low."
Fabion crouched and watched the other elves huddle beside him. He adored this dare. "On my count. One. Two. Three. Run!"
The trio darted across the grass toward the gate. Before they reached the protection offered by the remaining trees, a shot disturbed leaves from an overhead oak branch. Hestran shrieked in alarm.
No surprise, the elf-hating lunatic who roamed the hill opposite the entrance had shot at them. Inside the park, the limp, half-moldy leaves and runes deterred any further shooting.
Safe again! Fabion turned and shouted in snotty glee. "Up yours, you sorry asshole! You missed me again. Ever think about taking lessons?"
Fabion turned back to his companions and snickered. "See, dudes, that's why I told you to run. The nut-bunny hasn't hit me yet, but someday the goofball might get lucky. Yo, don't worry, his silly bullets are useless in here."

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