People with autism who find social interaction difficult may
use their special interests to start conversations & feel relaxed
Sally, a friend of mine I used to work with, has an autistic
son named Andy. (I don’t want to use their real names.) Let me provide back story
here. Years ago, Sally suddenly experienced extreme weakness, sometimes to the
point where she blacked out. She suffered chronic pain. Eventually she had to
go on long-term disability leave from work because she couldn’t drive. The
diagnosis: lupus. Putting a name to her problem relieved Sally. She understood
her symptoms would flare up, but at least she knew what she battled.
Before the diagnosis, Sally described an episode in the
grocery store where she suffered an attack. When Sally collapsed to the floor, Andy,
a normally sweet-natured six year-old, started screaming with fear while he punched
her. She held Andy close as he struggled. It amazed Sally that initially no one
helped her. Sally was almost in tears as she told me feared her fellow shoppers
regarded her as abusive and stayed away. Lucky they finally came to her aid.
Coping with her illness and caring for Andy was a struggle. Jerry,
her now former husband, didn’t help her much— he was extremely self-centered
and almost acted like Sally put on an act for attention. To add to the stress, Sally
also took care of animals she rescued from kill shelters and put them up for
adoption on Pet Finder. At least Jerry helped with the animals.
When I visited one evening, it amazed me how Andy interacted
with dwarf bunnies. He curled on a throw rug to snuggle with them, gently
petting them. They seemed to love him. Sally reasoned snuggling the bunnies
soothed Andy. She let them romp free under supervision. To my surprise, Andy
let me pet the bunnies. I told him I had bunnies of my own, although he didn’t
react to my words.
Other than that happy interaction, Andy acted disinterested
in everything but the bunnies and his favorite Thomas the Train cartoon. Sally
admitted she often played the cartoon to calm down Andy. When not watching the
cartoon or snuggling, Andy wandered back and forth, never making eye contact or
reacting to attempts to interact. Ocassionally he would crawl into Sally’s lap
to rest for a few seconds. I found it interesting how he totally ignored Jerry.
It wasn’t until I went to leave that I saw an episode
similar to what Sally had experienced in the grocery store. Sally walked me to
the front door. Before I reached the door, Andy ran across the room and threw
himself at the door, kicking and screaming. Sally sat on the floor and held him
until he calmed down. I attempted to leave again, but Andy yanked away from
Sally and did the same thing.
Sally thought he liked me because I played with the bunnies.
He didn’t want me to leave.
I felt awful to cause him such distress. I suggested
sneaking out through the back door but it turned out the lock was broken— Jerry
hadn’t gotten around to replacing it.
I sat down again and waited. Sally held Andy until he pulled
away to return to wandering in an agitated manner. We thought I could try to
leave again. This time Sally halted Andy from hitting the door. She rocked him,
trying to explain to him that I needed to go home to my bunnies. This time he
kept screaming and hitting her.
Sally urged me to go while she held him. I shut the door behind
me, feeling shaken and sad to disrupt the family. Sally didn’t blame me, but I still
felt guilty. Andy’s outbursts truly showed me it takes a brave, loving person
to raise an autistic child. Many brave loving parents raise similar children
across the world.
I have no children of my own. I never wanted the
responsibility. That’s why I can’t imagine how hard it is to raise an autistic
child. I have nothing but admiration and awe for such parents.
The good news is once Sally divorced Jerry, as Andy grew
older, he became more social. She’s coping with her lupus. Nowadays I only see
Sally on Facebook, not in person, but I’ll never forget that night.
RJ, thanks for hosting this Autism Awareness Blog Hop.
Looping back to
the top fact, what do you do to make yourself feel more relaxed in a social
situation? Comment to win the first two books in my Dreamspinner Press Cupid
series: “Cupid Knows Best” and “The Gospel According to Cher.”
Thank you for reading.
