I wrote m/m romance long before I even knew that yaoi
existed. I understand that yaoi has existed for a long time, but back when I
started writing m/m romance, I’d never heard of the term. Looking back, I
realize that my initial writings really had a lot in common with traditional
yaoi. One character always seemed to play a more subservient role. In 1980 when
I was 20 and still discovering myself, this was how I had been raised to the
world. But for some reason I was writing gay male romance.
Gay male romance is not
something I recently “discovered” and decided to start writing. I started
writing gay male romance back when I was in high school, long before I
understood how tab A inserted into slot B, well, except through what I read in
books. In 1978, a suburban teenager didn’t have a great deal of access to
certain sexual information. I crept around the problem by reading authors like
Gordon Merrick and John Rechy. I also had a great imagination.
Over the years, my
scribbling filled notebooks. I loved writing stories filled with romance,
partings, angst, and ultimately true love, well, at least for the stories which
found an ending. Many of those early, badly written stories languish unfinished
in those notebooks. I feel bad for those poor characters. This nasty bitch has
trapped them in limbo. The few characters who escaped are damned happy.
Back in around 2000, dōjinshi
works exposed me to the yaoi world, even though the concept of dōjinshi,
or self-published works, had come first. It didn’t matter; I had never heard of
either one. This Lord of the Rings freak had made friends with people in Japan
and Thailand. One friend lusted after a US magazine that was impossible to find
in Thailand. I had a copy, and sold it to her at cost. She sent me something
called a “dōjinshi” featuring Legolas
and Aragorn. The art blew my mind. Lord of the Rings characters having hot gay
male sex? Really? Wow. They were drawn so prettily, all flowing locks, pointed
chins and big eyes. The artists even made Gimli look adorable.
My dōjinshi collection
grew, thanks to my friends and a few insane eBay battles to feed my addictions.
It seemed as the Lord of the Rings phase passed, the art became cruder and the
stories less interesting. More rape and abuse entered the storylines. Of course
I couldn’t read the stories, but the art was graphic enough to get the point
across.
Collecting dōjinshi
guided me to fan fiction, which offered me an insane amount of fun. My original
fan fiction leaned heavily on the yaoi tradition, with one character usually in
distress, but often in a comical manner. The great thing about fan fic was that
I controlled the words. Better yet I could read the stories, not just look at
them and wonder what did Aragorn say to make everyone blush?
Still, admiring hot male/male dōjinshi
set a fire under me. The stories and art told me that many people out there
enjoyed reading about male/male romance. At this point in my writing, I come at
the male/male romance tradition from a point of both males sharing strengths
and weaknesses. Now that I am older, showing any character as nothing but weak
and defenseless pisses me off. I view everyone as having strengths and
weaknesses, and no one should be put in a position of continuous weakness.
That’s awful. Alpha males are boring. The me so big and bad character is a drag
unless there’s great comedy involved. Complex characters owning imperfections,
unique quirks and unexpected stinging strengths appeal to me. At first a
character might seem weaker than others, but watch out, never corner them. They
will show their true character and defend themselves.
When people are pushed, they fight back for love. Everyone
needs saving at some point in life, even heroes. Romance is two flawed people
caring about and protecting each other. Well, at least that is this hardened
realist’s version of romance. As an exercise, I need to write the traditional
fairy tale romance, where one character is the alpha male hero and the other
clings to him as he rides into the sunset. I’ll mark that on my calendar for,
hmm, after I deal with all the flawed romantics clamoring for attention. Those
romantics fight like hell when other characters try to line jump.
I still confess to admiring the pretty boys with their big
eyes and long hair. That detail will never change.
xoxo
